Right now I am cuddled up in our little trailer after having spent most of the day running errands and working on the house we are building. God has blessed us with so many things, but as usual, those blessings don't come without a lot of work. I have such mixed feelings about our soon-to-be-home. Mostly I just absolutely love it! I'm so excited to get to move in and enjoy our property. It's been a true labor of love as we've spent 3 years pouring over plans, designing and re-designing it over and over again. And here we are mid project. So, while most of the time I feel the immensity of the blessing, there are times when I feel shame over it. It's too big! It's too nice! I find myself embarassed over it because I totally don't deserve it. And all that's true, but I do think God led us here and I think it's okay for us to have this house, which is really His. That said, I don't think he wants us to hoard it. I think he wants us to use it as a tool to reach out to others, both Christian and non-Christian. Also, I know I need to be prepared to leave it behind at a moment's notice should he call us elsewhere. I'd like to think I could walk away without looking back, as Lot's wife was unable to do. It'd certainly be hard, because I really do love it here - my own little paradise. Yet, when God calls, I want to follow without hesitation.
As I mentioned I am so excited to move in! In the beginning of the construction I felt things were going by too quickly, like I couldn't quite soak in all the excitement and I wanted things to slow down so I could enjoy them more. Now as we are in a phase of the project where we are doing a lot more of the work, the stress has increased a ton and I'm just ready to be done with it. I think what I don't like is how all-consuming it has become. And it's just a house. It's not really that important. I have to remember it's just a season. I think I just miss certain things...mostly my husband. I miss having normal conversations with him that don't revolve around the house. I miss our long walks that we'd take together. I miss getting to go on dates. We've done some of those things during this whole process, but it's never completely guilt-free. Like we always have in the fore-front of our minds that we really should be finishing up the electrical, or wrap up washing the logs (ugghh!), there's always a million things to do! I look forward to things getting back to normal. When I start to feeling overwhelmed and tired I need to remember what a blessing it is to even get to build during these tumultuous economic times. To know that these small things that are frustrating truly are blessings. May I never forget the blessings God has given to me, in this home, but mostly in Dan. That's one thing that this whole process has shown me. I've seen afresh the amazing, hard working, wonderful husband God has given me. But that's for another post. For now, I'm turning in. It's late!